0_navi_0's Journal

9:15pm: sort of bored with livejournal.
http://www.xanga.com/aintgotwings

12:26am: back.
so i got down to 104, and then i stopped paying attention to my food intake after i got over that stupid flu because i was so happy to be able to eat again, and now i'm back to 108 and yeah...ew. i really want to be around 98 as soon as possible, and i truly hate how i feel when i've eaten too much.

also, as dave said the other day: "overeating is the worst form of lack of self control."

so in order to be down to 98 by may 5 i need a daily calorie deficit of at least 1030, which includes my BMR (1800), at least according to calories per hour.


TODAY:
in: 1091
out: 654
net: 437

calorie deficit for the day: 1363

TOMORROW: only juice, damn it!

1:16am: "Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours".
~Ayn Rand

11:36pm: yay




Down to 106, and now my size 3 jeans fit perfectly :) Gotta keep going or it won't last...

11:33pm: i want a girl.
...that's pretty much it.

also, i am officially going into hibernation mode.

7:28pm: new plan
yeah i need a new plan of action so i can be more sure of not going over my limit...


7am: take pills (green tea + miracleburn)

8am: get up; breakfast. allowed foods: egg whites, all-bran, APPLE

830-930: strength training!

950-11: italian (bring apple or other fruit)

1110-1220: linguistics

1230-1ish: lunch at Stone-D (allowed foods: salad, light dressing, lean meats, hot chocolate)

130-320: CS 111 lab (bring no food!! drink lots of water. take 2nd pill)

330: snack (allowed foods: apple, kiwi, yogurt thing OR special k bar, eggs + salsa)

345-5pm: 100 situps, relax, nap?

5-730: work counter tower dh. bring apple, gum, werther's...try to avoid eating anything unhealthy.

730-930: homework (italian reading, any CS catchup, start ling. exercises?)

930-1040: work out

1040-11ish: shower

8:15am: IN:
6am: kellogg's breakfast bar (90)

breakfast (830am):
grapefruit
1/2 mini-box all-bran orig. (65) + <1/2 cup soy milk (35)
2 hard-boiled egg whites (32)
1/2 cup plain oatmeal (120)
pear
(total:252)

snack (1145am):
kellogg's breakfast bar (90)
3 wasabi crackers (18)
peanuts (50)
(total:158)

lunch (145pm):
2 bran pretzels (14)
1 cup swiss miss (25)
5 ritz bits p.b. (55)
salad + 1 tbsp light italian (30)
2.5 tbsp lite cool whip (23)
(total:147)

dinner (545pm):
small amount jasmine rice (90)
3 pieces teriyaki tofu (200?)
1 small piece roasted turkey (70)
part of mini russet potato (50)
(total:410)

total in at 6:45pm: +1057 :(


OUT:
630am: 70 minutes ice hockey (-460)
1215pm: 10 minutes biking (-65)
230pm: 15 minutes walking (-75)

total out at 1:45pm: -600

net calories for day: +457 (1143 under daily "need")

8:18pm: days 5 & 6
day 5 (yesterday):
food: 1/2
water: 2/2
exercise: 1/2
posting: 0/2
SE challenge: 2/2

total for day: 6/10

day 6 (today):
food: 2/2
water: 2/2
exercise: 2/2
posting: 2/2
SE challenge: 1/2 (decided to start trying to have no sugar to detox, but ended up having a little frosting :-/)

total for day: 9/10

total points so far: 42/60=70%

7:56pm: yeahhh i definitely drank enough to go over my 800 limit last night...oops?


IN:
breakfast (10am):
fruit smoothie, fruit and ice only
2 chicken sausages (230)
2 fried egg whites (35)
1/2 portion home fries (150)
(total:415)

lunch:
25 or so of clare's cheese crackers (145)
1 cup swiss miss (25)
(total:170)


dinner:
frosting from cupcake (100)
2 sugarfree werther's originals (18)
2 pieces sugarfree gum (<10)
2 wasabi crackers (12)
(total:140)

total in at 8pm: +725

1:37pm: IN:
breakfast (10am):
1 yogurt smoothie (60)
3 animal crackers (36)
(total:96)

lunch (1240pm):
salad + lite italian (35) + turkey (45) + shredded cheese (70)
3 cookies (300)
cocoa puffs (35) + lowfat soy milk (30)
(total:515)


total in at 1:45pm: +611


new rule: only liquids and maybe fruit after 8pm.

7:55pm: back from new york
today the lucky star bus stopped at a chinese restaurant and i ate some takeout buffet...not too much though, at least i didn't binge:


weight at 7:55pm: 108


lunch (315pm):
1/2 cup pork fried rice (190)
3 pieces general tso's chicken (100)
2 mini crab rangoons (70)
1 chocolate chip cookie (220)
small amount red jello (30)
small amount chocolate pudding (40)
(total:650)


snack (955pm):
4 mini rice crackers (32)
handful of peanuts (60)
(total:92)

total in at 10:05pm: +742



OUT:
(1250pm) running 5 blocks to catch the bus (-40)
(8pm) 18 minutes on ellipticle (-206)
(830pm) 3 8-minute workouts (-140)

total out at 10:05pm: -346


net calories for the day: +396 (1004 under daily "need")


i'm definitely done eating for the day, and i'm working out in like ten minutes...then it's a shower and doing homework for forever. ick on the homework, yay on definitely not going over my limits today. and new york was totally fun, even though we basically never got out of bed yesterday.

12:07am: solving the problem.

so i need to figure out what my triggers are and how to deal with them.

problem 1: sugar.
sugar is my serious downfall. it's pretty much the only thing i have a really really hard time resisting, and once i eat something sugary, it triggers more eating.

solutions:

• when craving chocolate or ice cream, have the diet hot chocolate instead
• keep sugar-free werther's, etc around so i have something long-lasting to stave off the craving
• get physically away from it as soon as possible
• count to 100, remembering how gross i feel once i eat it and how it triggers overeating

problem 2: location.
obviously, i tend to cave more easily when i'm surrounded by food.

solutions:

• when not working, steer clear of the dining hall. too many cookies and sugary cereals and french fries.
• grocery stores, etc.: have some gum to chew.
• work: eat something beforehand. see also solutions for sugar, since that's the biggest problem with being in the dining hall.

problem 3: timing.
i have such issues not eating at night. i have no idea why.

solutions:

• eat less during the day, so at least if i cave the total will be lower.
• distract distract distract.
• remind myself why self-control is so important, and that that means having willpower NOW, not later

1:18pm: first day of the 28-day challenge..


IN(food):
breakfast:
(930am) 2 mini rice crackers (16)
(940am) ww yogurt smoothie (80), 2 pieces cereal (15?)
(1015am) all-bran (60),clementine
(total:171)

lunch (1235pm):
1/2 small tortilla (50)
2 tbsp hummus (45)
tiny bit of chopped turkey (15)
1 cup swiss miss (25)
[temptation: ice cream. had swiss miss instead]
small amount of dry cocoa puffs (35?)
(total:170)

snack (240pm):
less than 1/2 mini-box all-bran (60)

snack (345pm):
1 special-K bar (90)

dinner (505pm):
chicken breast, meat only (130)
1.5 tbsp hummus (34)
1/2 small tortilla (50)
(total:214)

dessert (555pm):
piece of yellow cake :( (240)



total in at 12am:>1000 [0/2 :(]


WATER:
1 can seltzer (12)
4 PS water bottles (64)

total oz. at 7:40pm:78 [2/2]


OUT(exercise):
(115pm) 10 minutes biking (-50)
(11pm) 24 minutes on ellipticle (-300)
(1130pm) 100 crunches (-30)
total out at 3:25pm:-380 [2/2]


SE CHALLENGE STATUS: complete
wrote java code for the first time today...i successfully wrote a little program and actually had fun. i am such a nerd sometimes.


POSTING STATUS: will post by midnight.

12:27am:

"We realize we are essentially free at all times in all situtations. We realize that all compulsion is only based on the illusion of substantial continuation, enduring substance, binding essence. We become completely immersed in the medium of freedom. Our participation in relationalities is, in reality, totally voluntary. This sense of the immediacy of freedom is exhilarating."

-The Tibetan Book of the Dead

8:30pm: i fucked up.
yeah sooo for some reason i felt really weird all day, stressed and freaked out bordering on panic-attack for no apparent reason, and exhausted to the point of tears, also for no apparent reason. so i did something i rarely do - i comfort-binged.

ugh. probably around 400 calories worth of cookies and ice cream at my sister's and then some vegetable lo mein. i cringe thinking about it. i feel so gross...i want to throw up but i don't think i know how.

ew ew ew. at least this is happening less and less frequently.

9:13am:

morning weight (according to analog scale): 109

IN:
breakfast (930am):
2/3 cup all-bran extra fiber (67)
1/2 cup milk (45)
1 package oyster crackers (70) [should probably avoid in the future)
clementine
(total: 182)

snack (1130am):
[temptation: coffee ice cream, cream puffs. avoided.]
3.5 tbsp hummus (80)
.5 5.5" pita (55)
(total:135) better than ice cream!

snack? (115pm):
2 sugar-free popsicles (30)
4 mini rice cakes (32)
1 bowl bouillon broth (5)
(total: 67)

lunch (240pm):
egg whites + salsa (45)
2 sugar-free popsicles (30)
3 mini rice cakes (24)
(total: 99)

total in at 1:30pm: +483


OUT:
(840am) 17 minutes on ellipticle (-175)
(9am) 100 crunches (-30)

total out at 11:45am: -205


ew why do i feel so much like eating today??

9:03pm: IN:
breakfast:
(830am) dry cereal (40)
(1045am) about 1/2 of yogurt smoothie (35)
(total: 75)

lunch (1230pm):
salad + salt + 3 tbsp. chopped chicken (51)
1 cup swiss miss (25)
(total:76)

snack (330pm):
2 mini rice crackers (16)
2 wasabi crackers (12)
(total:28)

dinner? (425pm):
1.25 cups all-bran extra fiber (125)
+ 1/2 cup skim milk (45)
(total:170)

dessert (735pm):
1.5 tbsp m&m minis (100)

snack (830pm):
2 mini rice crackers (16)
2 wasabi crackers (12)
(total:28)

snack (1130pm):
9 mini rice crackers (72)

total in at 11:30pm: +549


OUT
(100pm) 10 minutes riding bike (-65)
(530pm) 2 hours working dishroom (-250)
(830pm) 3 8-minute workouts (-140)
(915pm) 30 minutes on ellipticle (-375)

total out at 7:55pm: -830


net calories for the day: -281 (1881 below daily "need")

1:18pm: grrrrr
i forgot to weigh in this morning because i was so out of it...fucking creepy pete called again last night, nine times. he called 6 times between 11:40 and midnight, at first asking for someone named laura, so even though the voice sounded familiar i figured i was just being paranoid, and i told him he had the wrong number. the second time he called back i said i don't know what number you're trying to reach, but this is the phone number you're getting. he said oh, that's the number she gave me, and i said, well, obviously someone's fucking with you, i'm sorry, there's no laura here, i don't even have any friends named laura. the third time he called back i was seriously suspicious, and hung up halfway through the call. he called three more times and i didn't pick it up, but i was still hoping it was some drunk college kid trying to reach some girl who'd given him a fake number. i mean, how stupid could he be, calling back after i threatened in august to call the police if he ever called again?

well, apparently he is that stupid, because he called 3 more times at 1:40 in the fucking morning, waking me up. i picked up one of the calls to tell him to stop fucking calling, since by now i was sure that it was him and not a wrong number, and he started to say something creepy so i hung up before he could finish the sentence. he didn't call back.

this morning i called the number to see if i could confirm that he was calling from his own phone, and sure enough, it goes straight to his voicemail, where he says his name. fucking dumbass. i missed my italian class this morning because i went straight to the police as soon as i got back on campus to report it, giving them a statement, his full name and phone number, everything. apparently they're going to call him and tell him he better stop harassing me or they'll take legal action, and if he bothers me again we'll take out a restraining order. i seriously hope he doesn't try to find me here, since the police probably say what campus they're from when they call, and i'm pretty sure he knows where i'm at school anyway. the good thing is, anyone could spot him from a mile away here - he's male, covered in tattoos, and 43 years old. no one is going to let him into the fucking dorms.

but i'm seriously not happy with the thought of biking to and from my car alone, although at least that's better than walking. i'm definitely not going to be taking the path through the woods anytime soon, that's for sure.

and i should also change my phone number, which is going to be a serious pain in the ass.

fucking asshole. why would you EVER think this was okay??

2:06pm: morning weight (according to analog scale): 110

IN
breakfast (945am):
dannon yogurt smoothie (60)
clementine
(total: 60)

lunch (1230pm):
1/3 hamburger patty (90)
salad + 1tbsp balsamic vinaigrette (40)
1 cup swiss miss (25)
(total: 155)

snack (230pm):
1 pickle (6)
2 mini rice crackers (16)
(total:24)

(345pm) 1/2 cup all-bran + 1/2 cup skim milk (100)
4 mini rice crackers (32)
3 wasabi crackers (21)
1 slice low fat cheese (30)
(total:183)


dinner (730pm):
1/2 cupcake (90)
1/2 6" tortilla (50)
1/2 cup vanilla frozen yogurt (138)

total in at 9:00pm: +700


OUT
(845am) 23 minutes on ellipticle (-250)
(910am) 100 crunches (-25)
(12pm) 6 minutes biking (-40)
(1210pm) 10 minutes walking (-30)
(515pm) 2 8-minute workouts (-100)

total out at 9:00pm: -445

net calories for the day: +255 (1345 below daily "need")

12:45am: the plan for tomorrow
8:15am: wake up, do 100 sit-ups, 20 minutes on ellipticle

9:30am: breakfast (yogurt thing, fruit)

9:50-11: class (take 1st pill)

11:10-12:20: class

12:30: lunch (salad, diet hc)

1:30pm: BANK (transfer $15)

2:30: take 2nd pill

3pm: work out

5pm: dinner, if you must. all-bran/OR salad+soup/OR egg white + salsa

6-8:30pm: work (bring lowfat cheese, rice crackers & coke)

2:42pm: today's been good so far.
morning weight (according to analog scale): 111

IN

breakfast(12pm):
3 saltine crackers (36)
1 mini rice cracker (8)
clementine
ww yogurt smoothie (80)
(total: 124)


lunch(3:30pm):
salad + 1 tbsp lite ital. (25)
1 campbells's soup-at-hand (80)
(total: 105)

snack(5pm):
kellogg's bar (90)
clementine
2 mini rice crackers (16)
(total: 106)


dinner(6pm):
.5 indian potato crepe (70)
.5 indian rice patty (40)
2 tbsp lemon rice (40)
(total: 150)


snack(10:45pm):
cheese curds (217)
2/3 cupcake (88)
1 pickle (6)
1 mini rice cake (8)
(total: 319)


total in as of 12:45am: +804


OUT

10:30am: 23 minutes on ellipticle (-230)
11:30am: 3 8-minute workouts with jo (-140)
12:45pm: 10 minutes walking to car & back (-50)

total out as of 12:45am: -420


net calories for the day: +384 (1216 below daily "need")


So far so good...I think the green tea pills are helping some. I think I need something more effective though, since I tend to both gain and lose weight very slowly...and honestly, I'm kind of sick of waiting.

12:35am: the plan for tomorrow
9:30am: ellipticle + jaime with jo. burn at least 200-250 cals on ellipticle. drink lots of water.

10:30/11am: take 1st green tea pill. drink lots of water.

12:30pm: if hungry, eat a bowl of all-bran. no food before 12:30 unless it's fruit.

*go see erica at what time?? bring cereal if nec.*

2:30pm: take 2nd green tea pill. drink lots of water.


i know nayna wanted us to all have dinner together...hopefully it'll be at the campus center, in which case i'll have salad and whatever else might be healthy. if not, i'll just have to wing it.

11:38pm: back to school...we'll see how this goes
in
breakfast:
1 2" brownie (112)
egg whites + salsa (45)

lunch:
1 tropicana sugarfree popsicle (15)
1 bowl cheerios + 2% milk (232)
6 pizza munchees (180)

dinner:
salad + balsamic vinaigrette (100)
hummus + pita bread (160)
2/3 cup ice cream (200)


total in at 11:10pm: +1044


out
15 minutes walking dog (-37)
40 minutes moving in (-230)
10 minutes walking (-50)

total out at 11:10pm: -317



Apparently all my friends want to start eating healthier and shit, so that'll help. I got a lot of low-cal stuff at the grocery store, and threw away everything I had in the dorm that was high-calorie. I also got a scale at Target, so I can finally keep track of myself here, and Jo and I are working out tomorrow morning.

So all in all, it's a pretty good start to the semester.